The Importance of Being an Imposter

So, the Glen Must Die Kickstarter page is finally getting off the ground. This is a culmination of a couple of years' work on our part. When people heard we were doing an anthology with Paul Jenkins, we got swamped with submissions. Sorting through those to find the absolute best of the best has been a task and a half.

So you'd think I'd be used to the concept myself. I'm not.

This is nothing the fault to do with Paul. Paul is an incredibly kind and giving guy. He is absolutely incredible to work with. That substack of his where he just lays it all out there? Entirely genuine. He's just this really nice, hardworking creative guy, and that's likely the key to his success.

No, the "fault" (if that's the appropriate word) is within me. See, here's the secret: I have dreams of what Impulsive Walrus could be. Esther and I are both working hard to achieve those dreams. We've officially opened a submission portal for novels and I am spending hours reading slush. We've been making a name for ourselves as anthology editors, and the somewhat bizarre path to success that It's Your Cow took has people talking. The speed at which we managed to respond to COVID and put out an anthology that really spoke to the fear people felt in those times won us a second round of success. And then--six different bestselling authors agreed to join us for Cthulhu FhCon. Every project we do, we get bigger and better. This one, though. This one is next level. See, Paul Jenkins isn't just a bestselling author. This guy has walked red carpets in LA. He's created characters that the whole world loves. He's not just a bestseller--he's a star. And he saw what we've done with our anthologies and trusted us with this project. That's...intimidating. And every time I pick this anthology up, I wonder to myself what happens if he finds out that I'm faking it? Once again, Imposter Syndrome rears its ugly head. It brings that sense that I, Frog, am not of a quality to be playing at this level. That someone's going to find out I'm just faking it until I make it. This is not an uncommon phenomenon. Heck, it's not nearly the first time I've felt it. I've even done panels on this, and the advice--advice I give--tends to be of the "just realize it's in your head and find confidence" variety. It's not going to be anymore. This project right here? This has me convinced that there is some truth to Imposter Syndrome--and that it is, to some extent, a good thing. See, this is my first time trying to play at this level. It's the same game I've been playing all this time, but you could say the same thing about a baseball pitcher walking to the mound of his first major league appearance. Sure, he's played a lot of baseball--but there's something a bit different this time. There's more on the line. Expecting yourself to feel safe and secure in this situation is ridiculous. Of course I feel like I'm biting off more than I can chew--I'm biting off more than I have ever chewed before. I am faking it until I make it. I put together a great book--and I'm in the middle of marketing it--and the whole time I'm on the edge of my seat. And that was always going to be true anytime I took this step. See, that baseball player? He is in the majors. It's the next step. The next thing. He was always going to feel out of place walking to the mound the first time in the majors--but if he wanted to play in the majors, he had to take that walk. Imposter Syndrome is an inevitable side effect of growth. It is the product of pushing yourself. It is going to happen, and if it doesn't you are doing something wrong. You're not reaching for the next ring. It's hard. It's uncomfortable. But that's the nature of taking the next step up a very big, very steep hill. If I didn't feel this way, I wouldn't be progressing. I'll take the imposter syndrome any day over comfortable stagnation. One of two things will happen with Glen Must Die. It will fail financially, or it will succeed. It is already successful as a work of art--I am confident in what I have build, just not in whether I can sell it. If it fails, then I'm out some money and otherwise in no different position than I was before I got a chance to work with a great writer like Paul. If it succeeds--then I can start getting more comfortable at this next level of success. Anyways, if you're interested in what all the fuss is about, head over to the Glen Must Die Kickstarter page and give it a follow. At the very least, you can watch me in real time as I wrestle with my own psyche and, hopefully, triumph.